Silkpunk and Steam Page 20

  Such a union between us would cement our tribes with a strong bond. It would establish a relationship between my brother and Shiromainu in a way that would make him kin and give him a chance to be accepted as a person of respect.

  “You need not say yes out of geari. There is no obligation. I am an old man with little to offer a pretty girl with so much life left in her. I will not be offended if you say no.”

  I nodded. I didn’t feel the thrill of excitement a wife was supposed to have when looking at her husband, but I did respect him. Leaving social obligation out of the matter wasn’t realistic. My brother expected me to do what was right for my tribe. I knew what my decision would be.

  I squared my shoulders, the decision on my tongue.

  He patted my hand. “You needn’t decide now.”

  I bowed and thanked him. “Sumimasen. And you will accept my tribe into yours? Our two tribes will become one if I do this?”

  His eyes shifted and the gentle smile on his face wavered. My heart sank with understanding.

  “I will allow any Chiramantepjin who wishes to join the Tanukijin tribe to do so.” He licked his lips.

  That sounded promising, but I knew he couldn’t be done, or else he wouldn’t have paused. My mind raced with worries. I prayed he wasn’t about to punish me for my brashness, for what I’d done to Petennouk, for what he hadn’t done himself.

  He went on, “I will allow any child, warrior and elder to join my village who chooses. Whether you wish to become my permanent wife or not, I welcome you and your brother to my tribe. I believe I can even convince my people to accept Taishi Nipa’s baby.”

  I stared at a speck of dirt on the floor. Please, please, please, I thought. Say Faith can come too.

  He cleared his throat. “But I cannot permit the gaijin woman. She will always be sisam.”

  My throat tightened. I felt as though I were being strangled. After all the memories I had shown him, it still hadn’t been enough to demonstrate Faith’s sincerity? Taishi would never abandon her. Surely Shiromainu Nipa knew this from my own memories.

  Tears stung my eyes. I had failed. I was the reason Faith would not be joining us.

  Remembering my manners, I bowed my head. My voice came out a tremulous croak. “Thank you for your generosity, Nipa. Please excuse me. I need a moment to—” I jumped to my feet, needing to run before the flood of tears came. After Petennouk’s tantrums, I didn’t want to show I was the same: a child who had no self-control.

  “Stay, Sumiko-chan. Let me explain my reasoning.” Nipa grabbed my wrist before I could draw back.

  I wiped away the tears with my other hand, unable to stop them. “This is because of Petennouk-san? Because I dishonored you?”

  “Ei! No, child. Sit down.” He tugged on my arm.

  My wrist was still tender from my new tattoos and their recent abuse, and I staggered back toward him. Off balance, I teetered forward and fell to my knees. He wrapped his arms around me and clutched me to his chest. I might have been able to make it a few seconds longer, enough time to make a quick escape to compose myself out in the corridor or in the courtyard. With his kindness, it made it all that much harder to contain my emotion.

  I sobbed against his chest. “They will think I’m a failure! I’ve dishonored my family and disgraced my tribe.” I blubbered on in this way while he rocked me on his lap.

  “Hush. You’ve done nothing of the kind. You’ve conducted yourself with honor and done everything right. Don’t you understand, you are the reason I am willing to admit your tribe into mine?”

  I buried my face against the fabric of his attush. “It will shame my brother to welcome the tribe, but to exclude his geari wife. It will shame him that his sister failed.”

  “I will see to it that your brother doesn’t lose face, nor that you do. This will be an opportunity for the Chiramantepjin who join the Tanukijin to have a better life. If your brother is as wise as I think he is, he will see a partial success. He will have fewer to care for. If anything, I want him to understand how important you were in persuading me. He should not take you for granted, ne?”

  “But you won’t allow Faith-chan? Why can you not see her goodness?” I couldn’t imagine life without her. Even in these two weeks I had missed her.

  He sighed, and with it, the air deflated from his stoic frame. “I want to trust this woman is different from the other gaijin we have encountered in the past. I want to believe she will help us, not hurt us. But my tribe will not believe it if I cannot believe it. They trust me to see to their safety. I must see this gaijin’s mind with my own eyes, not through your own. I need her memories. I will then be able to tell my people she is not a kamuy, that she doesn’t bring sickness to us or wish us harm. Can you understand that?”

  I wiped my eyes and nodded, though in truth I didn’t understand why my memories of Faith weren’t good enough for him.

  “After the winter, I will come to your tribe again. At that time I will ask for the gaijin woman to perform tsuma no koukan. If she has no secrets to hide, she will allow memory exchange, and I will see into her heart, ne? I will need your help at that time to convince her to do this. Can you help persuade her for me?”

  I wiped my tears away and sniffled. “Yes, I will convince her.”

  Taishi always said that I was the only one who could make Faith see reason.

  That evening after dinner, I sipped my hot tea in silence beside Nipa. The heavy air of the room sank me into the reed mats on the floor. I smoothed a hand over the stone wall next to the table, so warm with the flow of hot springs underneath. If I stayed with my village, I would miss this warmth.

  “Have you decided if you will remain or go home?” Nipa asked.

  He didn’t ask me if I would be his wife. He asked if I would stay—if I would like to be well-fed and safe. “I decided this morning and then changed my mind,” I admitted.

  “Big decisions are never easy, little one,” he said. “Will you permit me to give you one more memory? A parting gift?”

  I didn’t want anything else from him. I didn’t want to make this harder for myself. “I would rather give you another memory.”

  “I suppose you will want to convince me one last time of the gaijin’s character, ne? I have already told you what I need to convince my people of her lack of guile. She needs to perform memory exchange herself.

  “Allow me to give a memory to you. A gift for you, not for politics or for understanding. Something that is simply enjoyment, ne?”

  I nodded. Out of geari, social obligation, I undressed down to my hakima and pushed my attush back around my shoulders and lay on the furs.

  He applied the memory moss from the bowl. His fingers kneaded into my shoulders. “This is my wife’s memory. My first wife. She lives on in memories such as these.”

  I closed my eyes and let blackness envelop me. Out of the inky depths a light blossomed. The jungle was vivid and beautiful. The mugginess made my skin sticky with warmth. Ume fruit bursting with juices hung from the trees. The perfume of moist wood and flowers filled my nose. Beside me sat Shiromainu, youthful with thick dark hair and a face smooth and free of blemishes.

  He played with the callouses on my slender hands. He was handsome and broad of shoulders. His eyes were deeper set than most, making him look wise before his time. I leaned against his shoulder.

  His smile was like a tanuki dog’s in the way he looked a little too clever for his own good. The way he smiled that smile for only me made my heart pound. I loved him like no other. I couldn’t imagine why he’d leave his own tribe and join the Tanukijin for me. Yet here he was. I drank in the sight of his high cheekbones and full lips.

  “You will have me then?” he asked.

  “Have you? I’ll keep you and never let you go.” Unable to wait other second, I threw my arms around him.

  The vision slipped away. I was in my own body again. I rubbed my blurry eyes. Shiromainu Nipa spoke, his voice gravell
y like a chiramantep’s growl. “That was so you would know I was once young and handsome. It was a memory my first wife gave me.”

  “What happened after that?” I asked.

  “I got old.” He chuckled, spraying me with spittle.

  I discreetly wiped his spit from my face. “No, I mean, what happened after your wife hugged you.”

  “You are too young to share that with. Wait a few years and if I’m not dead, I’ll give you that memory too.” He patted my head.

  He hugged me one last time. I didn’t think what I felt for him was love, not like what his wife had felt, or what I felt for Faith, but I did feel affection for him. We made an unlikely pair, he and I, separated by age. I wondered if my brother had fared as well with Tomomi.

  Chapter Fifteen

  There is an ancient proverb the elders used to say, “All winters turn into spring.” On a planet that was summer all the time this meant little. Then when the off-worlders came and brought their mechanical monsters, our climate changed and we experienced true winter. I could only hope winter would someday turn into summer again.

  —Interview with a native colonist by Asa Downing, surveyor with the East Milky Way Trading Company on Planet 157

  It was dark when we rose and dressed. Stars peeked through clouds of mist rising from the onsens of the palace. The entire village came to see us off, even the old grandmothers and grandfathers who could barely make it down the steps to the banks below the cliff palace without holding onto someone’s arm. Shiromainu led me past the long line of villagers, who bowed and offered me good luck. None of the grandmothers said anything impertinent or forward about my marriage as we walked past, no doubt because Shiromainu was present. When we came to my friends standing with their families, they bowed like everyone else. Opere bowed to me six times. Her mother and a woman who must have been her older sister bowed multiple times too. I could see where she got the gesture.

  I laughed and it made me happy to see her silliness on this sad day.

  Chinatsu rushed forward as though she wanted to hug me even though this was bad manners and the entire village witnessed her childish behavior. She stopped just short, perhaps deciding after what Petennouk said that she didn’t want to appear overly friendly. I wanted to hug her, but I didn’t, more for her sake and what people would say than because I cared what they thought about me.

  She stood there looking awkward and uncertain. “I love you, Sumiko-sama. You’ve been the best friend in the world. That means you’ll return with Shiromainu Nipa, ne?”

  Her parents tugged her back into the line, chiding her for her impulsiveness.

  My smile faded. More than anything I wanted to stay. But how could I abandon my family?

  When I came to Pana and Hekketek I paused. I looked to Shiromainu. “I’m still wearing Pana’s manto. Where is mine?”

  He looked from me to Pana.

  The woman next to Pana bowed. Her face flushed red and I could see from the way she stammered she was embarrassed. “Sumimasen. I’m so sorry, Sumiko-sama. I washed it and tried to mend it, but it fell apart. Gomenasai.”

  That didn’t surprise me considering the grandmothers had said the only thing that was keeping my clothes together was the dirt. I shook my head. “Please don’t feel bad. It wasn’t your fault.”

  “Please keep mine,” Pana said. “It’s been an honor to share my manto with you. When you return you can bring it back to me, ne?” Her smile was hopeful.

  I swallowed the lump in my throat.

  I wanted to hug all my friends and explain to them why I might not return, but I didn’t expect they would understand why I would feel duty to a gaijin. Nor did I have any privacy to do so. I was expected to behave stoically and unfeeling. It was harder parting from my new home than my old one because I hadn’t ever thought I might not go back to the old one. I savored the warmth of the canyon sheltering us from wind and the fullness in my belly. I tried to memorize each of my friend’s faces. Fond memories were the only thing that would warm me on the trip to the Chiramantep village.

  The party of warriors brought extra chiramantep with them in anticipation that some of my tribe would wish to return with them. The burly blue beasts carried saddle bags, probably with furs that would shelter those journeying in the acidic rain. As we ascended the slope out of the chasm, moisture fell in a mixture of hail and wet slosh.

  “You do not blindfold me this time?” I asked.

  “Ei, no,” Nipa said. “You are one of us now, if you wish. I trust you. We trust you. You are welcome to return at any time, so long as you do not to tell the location of our palace to the gaijin.”

  The chiramanteps kicked up snow with their massive clawed feet. I turned to stare over my shoulder one last time as we ventured out of the canyon.

  “Those gaijin farther down the canyon,” I said. “What will your people do with them? Kill them or help them.”

  “We will do nothing,” Shiromainu said. “We will leave them be so long as they don’t venture our way. That is our way, to do without doing. We won’t interfere if we don’t need to.”

  “Doing nothing is doing something,” I said, thinking of Grandmother Ami, though I didn’t agree with the sentiment now any more than I used to.

  It was an old way of thinking, a broken tradition. Doing nothing was doing nothing. Those people would die. I tried to remember my people would not be like them. I had done something. I would continue to do something.

  We followed the remains of charred forest for a time before meeting up with the stream. Cold rain fell on us and I pulled my borrowed manto around myself more firmly.

  I rode in front of Shiromainu Nipa, my arms over his to keep his warmth against me. Six chiramanteps empty of riders followed behind for those to return with the Tanukijin. No matter what Shiromainu said, it was hard to keep the idea from my head that my brother wouldn’t see this as my fault. I had to redeem myself. I would have to work at Faith to convince her to perform tsuma no koukan. That meant I had to stay with the Chiramantepjin.

  A scout ventured ahead to be on the lookout for danger and inform the Chiramantepjin of our arrival. When we arrived, my tribe was assembled. Hot bowls of broth awaited us inside the cave. The smell was tantalizing after the long journey.

  Faith sat crossed legged beside Taishi. Her veil was wrapped around her head, and it obscured part of her face. Her spine went rigid upon seeing me enter. She shifted as if to rise. My brother grasped her wrist and leaned close to her ear, whispering something too quiet to hear over the murmur of the room.

  Faith bit her lip. Her gaze raked over my face, a question in her eyes. Taishi’s eyes went from my tattooed wrists to Shiromainu, his expression turning hard. I suspected they recognized the blue and green blooms of fading bruises on my cheek, even under the lighter headdress I wore for travel. They would surely think the worse of Shiromainu. I did my best to smile despite my heavy heart, though it hurt my cheek to do so. I itched with anticipation for all these formalities to be over. How I wished I could explain all that had happened.

  I knelt with the Tanukijin across from my brother and his household. Tomomi sat on the other side with my brother. We bowed to them. They bowed to us. There was a number of greetings and pleasantries, sipping of watered down broth and more bowing. The flavor was so bland after all the rich fish stew I’d been eating. Already I regretted my decision to stay with my family.

  “On to business or pleasure?” Shiromainu Nipa asked.

  Taishi made a casual gesture with his hand like he didn’t care, but his Adam’s apple bobbed as he swallowed, giving away his nervousness. “Your choice.”

  Shiromainu nodded. “We performed tsuma no koukan in order to learn about each other’s tribes and decide if merging your tribe with ours would truly be a wise decision. From Sumiko-san I learned a great many things about the Chiramantepjin. I saw her memories of Taishi Nipa’s leadership and compassion, I saw the hardships you have suffered, and the way you
have also fled from the gaijin. During this time of the tsuma no koukan, Sumiko-san conducted herself with honor.” He hesitated, his voice becoming scratchy and raw. “She came to be respected for her many good deeds among my people. I would happily welcome her to my tribe permanently and ask her to be my wife if she is not opposed.”

  There were many nudges and smiles among the Chiramantepjin. I glanced at their faces. They thought they were all going to be taken into his tribe. Grandmother Ami winked at me.

  Their smiles faded as he went on. “I will welcome you, Taishi Nipa, and your child, into my tribe. But I cannot permit any gaijin. Not without knowing their minds first. Sumimasen.” He offered a bow with his apology.

  Faith turned to look at Taishi. Sorrow filled her eyes. I could only imagine how hard it was to forever be an outsider.

  My brother bowed his head. “You honor me with you offer, but I cannot accept out of duty to those who cannot come with me. It is my hope you will not punish my tribe for my refusal. The coming winter will be hard for the elderly and children alike. We have families who are hungry no matter how hard they work. If you will not take me, at least take the children.”

  At those words, two boys about six years of age rushed over to Taishi and half strangled him around the neck with hugs.

  “Please, don’t make us leave!” one child cried.

  “We’re you’re helpers. You said you wouldn’t ever turn us away!” said the other. In their childish display of affection, they accidentally knocked off his eboshi and it would have fallen into the dirt if Tomomi hadn’t caught it with the speed of a diving tatsu. Two grandmothers pried the children off Taishi and carried them outside.

  Taishi offered an apologetic smile before returning his eboshi to his head.

  Shiromainu bowed to my brother. “I will take anyone with me who wishes to join my tribe.” Shiromainu dipped his head to me as if to ask if he had said things in a way that met my need to save face. I offered a smile and bowed back to him in thanks. He took my hand and placed it on his heart. “Will Sumiko-san stay by my side as wife and make me a happy old man?”